Porcelain Dolls

T G I F ! ! ! I'm really sorry that both of us haven't updated our blog for the new year 2005. We've been really busy with school and homeworks. You know naman, typical schoolgirls kami ni carmelle. Anyhoo, really nice things have been happening especially this week. First of all, I learn that this nice guy likes me (not that i like him that much.) and the guy we thought was cute just glanced our way a lot of times during first period! Then, this totally gorgeous guy that I was head-over-heels for last semester rode to school with us this morning! I'm really not interested with him anymore but it was still really awkward to be riding in the same van with the guy I used to stalk (not really... ) and was really obsessed with. Now, I have decided to focus my positive energy to schoolwork and forget guys for the moment. I really don't know whether I'm supposed to meet the guy who supposedly likes me, or continue to focus my positive energy towards my academics. I admit that I don't really need that much considering I get straight A's, but what can I say? I'm really scared to take the chance. I've never had a boyfriend in my life, I've never went out with anyone, and I've never been kissed. I don't think it's unusual for someone who's never done something to be scared to try it. I really am. I'm scared of falling in love and giving my all but never getting anything in return. I don't wanna get hurt. I want a win-win situation, but I know that I can't always get what I want. But maybe if I try, I just might find, I got what I need! haha! I got that from a song and a Coke commercial! haha. I know I'm crazy. A lot of crazy things hae just been happening lately. What a life! Why do I never get tired of being me? I'm a handful. Well, I gotta update my other blogs and my myspace account! Luv ya!

1. Importante ba looks nya?
-- xiempre gusto ko presentaBLe..

2. Ang height:
-- bsta ms mtngkd skin!!

3. Type of food:
-- kahiT ano..

4. Matalino?
-- uu..

5. May respeto?
-- uu nmn..cnu b my gus2 n wLa..ehhe..

6. Seryoso sa buhay?
-- yoko ng sobrang seryoso..basta as Long as aLAm nia
kunG ano dapat ung mga thing sa keLAngan
seryosohin..ayus na un..

7. Sport nya?
-- basketbaLL..and ice hockey din..hehe..

8. Dapat ba nagkikita kayo everyday?
-- kung pede..

9. Shud call or text you?
-- oo naman!!!

10. Dapat ba cute?
-- hehe..uu..

11. Mataray ba dapat?
-- aus lAng..

12. Sweet ba dapat?
-- uu..sobra..

13. Jealous?
-- ok lng bstah nsa Lugar..

14. Shud smoke?
-- eeeww..kadiiRzz...

15. Shud drink?
-- aus Lang..basta di lacinggero..

16. Popular or ordinary?
-- kht ano..

17. Good attitude or Good looks?
-- both..

18. maporma?
-- yuP!

19. Accept you?
-- chimprreee noh!!!!!!

20. Make you cry?
-- ayoko nga..

21. Use you?
-- taena nia..! ehhe..

22. Impress you?
-- xiempwe

23. Give everything to you?
-- d nmn..

24. Sweetest thing you want him/her to do for u?
-- bahaLA na xa dun..

I was just browsing around to find a new topic for our blog to make it somewhat interesting. Here is a poem that deeply touched my heart. Thank God for Edgar Allan Poe.

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;—
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the wingëd seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre,
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:—
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea—
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

-Edgar Allan Poe

I was on tears after reading this. What else could surpass the gift of words God has given this poet? Nothing could ever touch the heart with depths as great as these words do.

1. YOUR HOROSCOPE?
Virgo

2. SiNGLE OR TAKEN?
still single.

3. IF TAKEN, BY WHO?
sabi nang single ako eh.

4. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SERIOUSLY HURT
BY THE PERSON YOU LOVE/LOVED?
yeah.

5. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR REASON iF YOU
TURNED SUiCiDAL?
whatever it is, it better be a good one.

6. iS SUiCiDE REALLY KiLLiNG YOURSELF?
that's a dumb question.

7. PREFER COUNTRY OR CLASSiC?
country.

8. PREFER CUTE/iDiOT OR SMART/UGLY?
puedeng cute/smart?

9. ARE YOU iN A STABLE RELATiONSHiP
WiTH YOUR BF/GF?
cnabi ko nang single ako.

10. YOU`D EXPECT A TEXT MESSAGE
USUALLY FROM:
a cellphone user.

11. HAVE A BEST FRiEND THAT iS iN THE
OPPOSiTE GENDER? WHO?
friend, meron. BEST friend, wla.

12. WHAT DO YOU LiKE DOiNG WHEN
YOU`RE DEPRESSED?
sing in the shower.

13. CHEERFUL OR BORiNG?
ewan.

14. DESCRiBE A PERFECT DATE
sa tindahan sa las pinas.


15. EVER WONDERED WHY NOBODY
KNOWS WHY THE SKY iS BLUE? WHAT DO
YOU THiNK?
The sky appears blue (instead of black) because light passing through the air hits tiny particles like dust and pollen. These tiny particles are large enough to reflect blue light, but red light (which has a longer wavelength) is not reflected nearly as much. So the result is that the blue light gets scattered by the particles, and you see it when you look up.

16. EVER BEEN HURT BY LOVE?
i don't really know if it was love or just infatuation.

17. WiLL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME
MiSTAKE AGAiN? WITH LOVE???
probably. i always make mistakes. tao lang ako.

18. EVER HATED ANYONE LiKE HELL?
hate is a harsh word. maybe dislike in a very, very high degree would be more appropriate. in that case, yes.

19. DO YOU DO ANYTHiNG WHEN A PERSON
BREAKS UP WiTH YOU AFTER ONE DAY?
think lang...after a day of thinking, i'll most probably get on with my life.

20. GiVE ONE WORD THAT BEST
DESCRiBES WHAT YOU'RE FEELING NOW
gutom.

21. DO YOU BELiEVE iN YOURSELF?
i have confidence in myself.

22. EVER PHYSiCALLY HURT YOURSELF?
when i was a kid, tinutusok ko ung fork sa ulo ko when i had tantrums.

23. EVER VERBALLY HURT YOURSELF?
in my head lang. i never really said it out loud.

24. MOTTO iN LiFE.
"don't be afraid of death, be afraid of the unlived life. you don't have to live forever, you just have to...live."

25. HAVE U EVER DOUBTED THAT
SOMETiMES?
nope.

26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD *EXTRA* FEELiNGS
ABOUT A FRiEND FROM THE OPPOSiTE
GENDER?
ewan.

27. iF YES, WHAT DiD YOU DO ABOUT iT? iF
NO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
nothing.


28. iS FAME & MONEY THE MOST
iMPORTANT
THiNGS iN YOUR LiFe?
people need money, but it's not the most important thing.

29. DO YOU MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS OR
SOUNDS WHEN YOU`RE SLEEPiNG?
how should i know? tulog nga ako eh.

30. ARE YOU DiFFiCULT TO WAKE UP?
always.

31. HOW OFTEN DO YOU SLEEP?
always.

32. ARE YOU CONVENiENT WiTH THAT?
yeah.

33. LAST, HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU
WERE PERFECT?
i know i'm not perfect. but if i don't know that, i'd think i was.

NOTE: PLEASE KEEP THE TiTLE OF THiS
SURVEY "33 THiNGS ABOUT ME.

People think too much of the future that they tend to forget about today. And before they know it, they're a hair strand close to almost losing everything--just like my father.
My father was someone most men would envy. He had a flourishing business, a good wife, three beautiful daughters, properties, cars, and countless blessings. He brought a feast to our dinner table every single night. He was a man more than anyone could ask for. The only thing that put his reputation and accomplishments at risk, were his countless secrets that he locked away...until they were discovered. Adultery was the most painful of it all. It broke the family, but even before my mom finally filed for annulment, it broke my childhood hopes and tainted my mind. Now, I could never enjoy reminiscing about my childhood without remembering the parent meetings he had missed and the birthdays he had failed to attend to. He made up for his failing fatherhood by showering my sisters and I with simple luxuries, very much unlike the luxuries he and his mistress bathed in. He showered us with expensive gifts and countless treasures that came from shopping sprees. He was a happy man when you look at him. Talking with rich politicians on the phone...and laughing with greedy partners and pleased clients on their countless meetings...Yeah...Next to me, my father was the most ambitous person I knew, and no one could deny what a superb business man he was. However, he wasn't very popular on the parenting part. He was not the best father, I believed, he could be. I always knew that my father could be better than what he has been to us. I never kept hoping he'd change...not even now. So every Christmas, I'd give him the chance to say sorry and come back to me.
Now that I'm fourteen and I finally grew out of believing in Santa, I realized that patiently waiting for my dad's triumphant return from the clutches of his evil mistress was much like waiting for Santa to drop off my yearly Christmas gift. More than a year ago, my mom left us in his custody to work here in California. By late October, he took us in a plane to finally hand us to my mom. There was no sadness on my part. He isolated his life from us all through my childhood and finally left our home and barely even saw us every month. It was not a sad travel and not a sad goodbye, but I was still counting on at least a happy out-of-country-vacation before he left us in this country forever. But even before we cracked a smile under the shadow of the Disneyland castle or ride the rollercoaster of Six Flags, an emergency call reached him. His business was crashing down that night, empoyees were rallying and success was slipping out of his hands. My father had to decide whether to spend the remaining time with his daughters or salvage whatever was remaining of her business.
And salvage it he did.
He left the next day after receiving the call. Right after the day he got the call.
All the emotions that I have been holding from him all these years, I felt sad. It was the same emotion I felt when he packed his bags and left our home. He left us once again. But that didn't matter. He had to save his business.
He worked and worked to plan for the future, but the future didn't go as expected, did it? He saved bits and peices of his business but he never even considered the chance of saving his family. That late November, he lost the most important blessing he had ever been given. He lost his daughters...but not forever. It's never too late. I'm still counting on him to call this Christmas or at least send a Christmas card. I guess that's the one thing I'll never stop hoping for--my father.
For all those at the brink of losing what matters, it's never too late. Focus on tomorrow but never forget today, cherish it while it's still there. That is the one thing I wish I had the strength to tell my father. But more than that, the three words I wish I had told him were:
I love you.
Yeah pa, I really do.